A Few Tools From My First Year Of Sobriety

If you’re thinking about slowing down or even stopping drinking, you’re going to need a tool kit. Sure, you might be able to white knuckle it for a while but eventually that gets exhausting and eventually it doesn’t work. Having a plan in place and things you can do / fall back on when you’re in your most vulnerable moments will make all the difference.

First of all, if you are sober curious or sober, I applaud you! It is incredibly difficult to maintain sobriety for any number of days in our alcohol drenched society! Here are some tools that helped me to go from thinking about it to being about it. They have worked for me over this first year and I hope they can help you as well.

Start asking questions and take a moment to listen to the answers

Instead of saying “I’m not going to drink.” I started getting curious and asking questions. “How do I feel when I drink?” “Is drinking helping me become the person that I want to be?” “Which parts of not drinking are particularly difficult and why?” “What do my kids see when I am drinking and is that the grown up I want to model to them?” I use Hustle & Play for this reflecting and visualizing process and it has been nothing short of amazing. As I started collecting various data points, the answers emerged and became more clear each time. I realized that in order to become the person who I wanted to be, alcohol was going to have to go.

Additionally, asking questions and seeing the answers truly as data points helped me to be more gentle with myself. Instead of getting down on myself after each sober streak, I got curious and used the data to inform my choices next time. This also has helped me to identify the root of the issue. There have been many times over this last year where I wanted to drink and when I slowed down and asked myself “why and I feeling this way?” the answer eventually emerged. I didn’t want to drink just because I wanted to drink. I wanted to drink because I was stressed out, tired, anxious or any number of other reasons. Now, instead of adding to the problem with alcohol, I could deal with it. Tired? go to sleep. Stressed out? Cut back. Anxious? Take some deep breathes or get yourself out of that situation

Hustle & Play offers a framework to reflect, visual and act in a way that supports conscientious decision making

Community

Earlier this year I became part of a “sober curious “ group. This is a group of women who were all questioning their relationship with alcohol. We communicate through WhatsApp and the Marco Polo app, leaving short videos of insight or encouragement. The reality is that our society has normalized drinking to the point that people barely even second guess it anymore. This means that if you are wanting to slow down or stop drinking we need to enter spaces where it is normalized to question it. This is what this group has done for me, among so many other things. Although each of us is on our own path, the wisdom, insights and support have kept me going in even the hardest times. I don’t think I would have made it through this year without their help and support.

There are so many groups out there to become a part of as a community. Check out The Luckiest Club, Sober App or even google “sobreity coach.” My group is through my work with the above mentioned “Hustle & Play” book.

Additionally, I follow all the sober instagrams! There is a whole world out there in terms of folks who are living an alcohol life and creating alcohol free communities. Here are a few of my favorites:

Instagram Accounts: sober.as.a.mother / soberflourish / drop_the_bottle / recoveryisthenewblack / mocktail.mom / Sans Bar / Ocean Beach Cafe / the sober vegan yogi / mommy does not need wine

Quit Lit & Instagram

In terms of normalizing sobriety, I prefer to take on a diversified approach. Not only do I surround myself with people who have normalized it, but I’m also mindful about what I consume in terms of books, movies and tv shows. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s important to create a space where sobriety is normalized. I did this by reading books about sobriety AKA “Quit Lit” The book that changed my life was “Quit Like a Woman” and I could write a whole blog on that. Essentially this book helped to root my sobriety in a much larger purpose than just not drinking. While I work on that blog on this book alone, here are a few others to get you started.

Books: Quit Like a Woman / We Are the Luckiest

On my “to read” list: This Naked Mind / It’s Not About the Wine

This book changed my life

Keep Alcohol Free Options on Hand At All Times

What a time to be alive! There are so many great AF options these days. With the trend of younger generations drinking less, there is likely to be even more to come! Having AF options on hand definitely helps. There are definitely mixed reviews on this and I totally get that. I’m on the side of the fence that says, if it gets me through a craving time and keeps me sober, I’m all for it! Also, it’s not just NA beers or wines. There are SO many other great things to keep stocked up in your fridge. Kombucha, bubbly water, Moment, ginger beer, and on and on…. grab some of these and keep them in your fridge for when you have a craving. It’ll make all the difference.

The other good news is that NA (non alcoholic beer, wine and spirits have come a long way since O’Doul’s! Over the years the technology has gotten better to remove the alcohol from brewed beers and wines through a dealcoholizing process. You can read more about how it’s done here but overall this allows the original flavor to remain intact without the alcohol. Athletic Brewing NA Brew has been my top choice. I love IPAs and they make some really good ones. They have a ton of other flavors too. Use this link or code JulieZ20 for a discount on your order. In terms of NA wine, I prefer Surely or Lali but again, there are plenty of choices out there and more on the way.

Finally, NA spirits. You can make a great, complex cocktail without the alcohol. I love Ritual Zero Proof and Monday but there are so many other choices too such as Lyre’s ish and many more

Sleep

This is my last tip and one that I swear by: SLEEP! When you first cut back on drinking you’re likely to be incredibly tired. This is super common as your body works towards homeostasis and learns to regulate itself again. Better sleep means better decision making capabilities, higher stress tolerance and more energy. I’ve noticed that when I don’t get a good night’s sleep it impacts all areas of my life. This is also something that I think is so ironic about “Mommy Wine Culture” (again, another blog post) but we tell new moms that they need a glass of wine to unwind and deal with the pressures of having an infant or toddler at home. Sorry to break it to you girlfriend, but it’s not wine that you need, it’s sleep! In fact, alcohol disrupts sleep cycles and leaves you feeling exhausted. Even small amounts of alcohol decrease sleep quality by 9.3% Sleep is key to sobriety.